Accept people’s feelings
In the world, it seems to me that quite a few
people are apparently happy in their own ways, but have actually suffered over
time from problems with someone in their families, such as their parent, child,
brother, sister, husband, or wife.
In addition to family relations, so many people
seem to suffer in friendships, or even interpersonal relations with colleagues,
bosses, subordinates, or neighbors, for example.
Above all, troubles with family members are
particularly distressing because of their close, inseparable relationships.
Although people try not to care about it as often
as possible from day to day, they never really have a clear frame of mind: the trouble
stays in the back of their heads constantly.
They are sometimes forced to face this fact and
can’t help having the sense of despair each time.
I imagine many people live their lives without
hope of ever solving the problem.
It’s such a waste to live this way.
Actually, the people who think so the most are
those in question. They feel more uncomfortable the more they think about it.
Is there no road to a solution?
You might say, “In my own way I think I’ve done
my best, but there’s nothing I can do about it.”
I think I fully understand the feelings from my
own experience.
But still, I mean, I’d like you to reflect on
the following questions for this reason.
Isn’t it the other person you blame for the
problem?
When the other person said something you didn’t
like, didn’t you instantly judge them and refuse what they said? Didn’t you think
they were saying something weird? Something wrong?
Didn’t you jump to conclusions, thinking they
meant something else, without trying to grasp, to the uttermost of your
ability, what the other person really meant?
Didn’t you say what you wanted to say first
without trying to hear the other person out, or even if you didn’t say anything,
didn’t you want to?
When you listened very closely to the other
person and they really were saying unreasonable things, didn’t you blame and
judge them for that reason only?
Did you try to accept feelings of the other
person when it was hard for them to avoid saying such unreasonable things?
Troubles over personal relations are not caused
only by either one or the other person, but by both people in most cases.
A source of trouble is not attributable to a
single person one-sidedly.
Have you tried your best to sincerely accept the
other person’s feelings of wanting to say such things, instead of judging who
is right by reason?
If any of these questions are hitting home, can
you overcome any reasoning about who is right or wrong and sincerely apologize
to the other person, at the earliest opportunity, for always refusing their
feelings without trying to accept them?
Do you want to live your life, forever prolonging
the problem with this person so close to you?
